Amy Lutes

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"Winter Tree"- in Memory of Rowan who was lost

I didn’t really go into this with the intention of it being “miscarriage art.” The idea of birth art and/or art therapy had come up a lot during the last few months of the year, both from friends and my local ICAN group. I’d been really thinking about it, and decided to get some watercolors and try my hand at it. This was my first ever actual painting, let alone with watercolor.

I realized afterward that the painting really represented my miscarriage. The tree is dead, in the middle of winter – no leaves, with snowflakes surrounding it. There is a blue background, and the tree is uprooted, which seemed to imply the fact that my baby was no longer “rooted” in my womb.
I really want to work on some other ideas I have for art about miscarriage and baby loss. One painting that I’ve started is of a pregnant woman with a skull & crossbones flag across her belly. Whether I like it or not, based on my history of loss, it’s sometimes hard for me to view my womb as a safe place for my baby, and sometimes it feels like whenever I am pregnant, my body is going to sabotage it, like pirates swooping in a killing everything.
Anyway, this painting that I’m sending you is titled “Winter Tree.” My husband and I decided to name our miscarried child Rowan. We didn’t know if it was a girl or boy, and neither of us had any particular inclination one way or another, so we chose something gender neutral.
– Amy Lutes
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